You'll Be My Downfall
by kandyshipper
Summary: UPDATED 6.19.2004 Karen tells Dan
1. Chapter 1

Karen Roe sits at the kitchen table twirling her dark curly chin-length hair between her fingers, quietly panicking, hoping against hope that the home pregnancy test sitting in the bathroom wouldn't be positive.  
  
It was a mistake; she was lonely and desperate.  
  
Dan, of all people was there, at that bar, that night.  
  
He had brought her one drink, then another, they had stumbled back to place; she doesn't remember much after that.  
  
She had pushed it out of her mind, pretended it had never happened, it took her a week to realize she was late, or at least acknowledge it, and still she refused to believe that this could be happening, again. Just like she did at seventeen she tried to ignore it, which became impossible once the morning sickness kicked in.  
  
She tries to remember the details of that one night with him, it is a blur except for that one split second in the morning when she woke up, still entangled in his arms and felt completely at peace.  
  
The shrill ringing of an egg timer snapped her back to the present.  
  
She stands up and almost falls straight back down again, she uses the table to steady her before walking slowly to the bathroom. She picks up the test box to make sure she has comprehended the directions; two pink plus sign indicate a positive result she reads before she picks up the stick lying on the vanity. It has two pink plus signs.  
  
Lucas Scott quietly opens the front door to his house and hopes his mom is already asleep; he has stayed out an hour after his 10pm curfew, something tells him the his mom won't be particularly sympathetic to the fact he was fighting with his now ex-girlfriend Peyton Sawyer.  
  
As he creeps past his mom's bedroom he is surprised to hear sobbing from the other side of the closed door. In the last sixteen years he has only seen his mom cry three times, once when he was about seven and his grandfather had died, once when he was eleven, he had fallen off of his bike and torn most of the skin off his knee, he was bleeding, a lot and she had panicked, the last, most recent time was last year when he had awoken from his coma following the car accident that almost claimed his life.  
  
He knocks gently on the door and getting no response opens the door, he gasps at the sight of his mom not lying as he had expected on the bed but curled up in the fetal position on the cold tile floor of the adjacent three-way bathroom wearing nothing but her underwear, he spied her clothes on the floor about five feet from where she was lying covered vomit.  
  
"Mom," he whispered trying to cover the fear in his voice.  
  
Her only response was another sob.  
  
He walks over to her; she is freezing, picks her up and carries her to the bed, throws the covers over her, and slumps to the floor beside her bed.  
  
"Mom, what's wrong?" He asked choking back tears.  
  
"Lucas, I'm so sorry." She sobbed in reply trying to pull herself together a little.  
  
"What mom?" He asked, his tears finally spilling over.  
  
"I'm sorry for scaring you and I'm sorry for hurting you." She whispers, her finger absentmindedly twirling his ashy blonde hair.  
  
"Are you OK?" He asks still terrified.  
  
She shakes her head before whispering, "Lucas, I'm pregnant."  
  
Karen wipes her eyes and tries to absorb what she has just told her son, it is the first time she has said the words out loud and somehow saying "I'm pregnant." out loud makes it seem a little more real.  
  
She waited for a reply from Luke, she has found that honesty is by far the best policy when it comes to him, he tends to take the little while lies people tell, often out of necessity in the moment very hard, not that it easy to tell a little white lie when you are sobbing your eyes out and have ended up getting so worked up you have thrown-up all over yourself.  
  
After a few more moments silence that seemed like an eternity to her, Luke finally responded, "Mom, it's gonna be OK."  
  
"No it's not." She whispers her voice breaking, fresh tears streaming down her face, "I can't do this on my own again."  
  
"What do you mean?" Lucas replied, he had automatically assumed the baby was Keith's.  
  
Deciding again that being honest was the right thing to do, she sobbed "Luke, It' Dan's baby." 


	2. Chapter 2

"What?" Lucas asks, a quiet anger entering his voice.  
  
"Dan's the father." she repeats quietly her eyes focused intently on a speck of flaking paint on the ceiling.  
  
Lucas got up from his position on the floor leaning against Karen's bedside dresser and stormed out of the room, thirty seconds later she heard she front door slam.  
  
She can't blame him.  
  
She looks at the clock, 12:07am it read, she has to be up in five hours, she closes her eyes and knows she won't sleep, she knows she will just lay awake and worry.  
  
Lucas fumbles with the lock on the front door in the early morning light, he was so confused; he couldn't understand why she had done it. When he had left last night he had gone straight to Nathan and Haley's, he knew Nathan was out of town, something about a Basketball scholarship at Duke. He was glad to have Haley his long time confidante to himself. While his relationship with Nathan had improved greatly over the last eighteen months he didn't exactly feel comfortable with the idea of discussing their father and his mother's relationship.  
  
Haley, ever the voice of reason had suggested that he actually talk to his mom before jumping to conclusions about anything. He had agreed.  
  
He finally gets the front door open and walks inside. The sound of his mother throwing up makes him shudder.  
  
"Hey mom." He says walking into her bedroom.  
  
Karen turned to face her son and smiled nervously her sweaty hair clinging to her forehead, "Hey."  
  
"Mom are you Okay?" he asks, worry and guilt etched on his face.  
  
"I'll be fine in an hour or two." Karen replies with a sigh.  
  
"Mom I'm sorry about last night." He whispers stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.  
  
"Lucas..." Karen begins before leaning over the toilet bowl and vomiting again.  
  
"Mom, I just don't understand why, after all he has done to us." He said quietly.  
  
"Neither do I," Karen whispered looking away from her son, struggling not to cry. "It just happened, when you left, when Keith left, I felt so lost and he was just there, it just happened, I wish it hadn't but it did."  
  
"Mom, it's gonna be okay." He says a lump forming in his throat. "I'm gonna be there for you, even if Dan isn't."  
  
"Thank you." Karen whispers hoarsely a tear running down her cheek.  
  
He smiles, before half-jokingly asking, "Were you this sick when you were pregnant with me?"  
  
"It was worse with you, I could barely eat for six weeks, this is nothing to compared to what you put me through." She said laughing slightly.  
  
"I've gotta go and get dressed for school." He said walking out of Karen's room. He couldn't understand it, he didn't really want to in all honesty but he had always wanted a little brother or sister. He had to be there for her after all she had given him; he knew Dan had wanted her to have an abortion when she was pregnant with him. She had said no and sacrificed her future for him; he already felt the need to protect his little brother or sister.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

She opens her eyes, again and checks the clock, 4:48am, she gives up on the idea of sleep and throws back the covers and shivers slightly against the cool night air. Sitting on the side of the bed she switches on a lamp, finds a rubber band and pulls her hair into a messy ponytail, as she stands she grabs her dressing gown from the foot of the bed where she had thrown it the night before and wraps it tightly around herself before walking out to the lounge room and flopping down on the sofa.  
  
Her eyes fixate on a photo of her and Lucas; it had been taken by Keith the day Luke was born.  
  
When she was pregnant with Lucas, Keith was always around, that is one thing that would definitely be different this time, Keith was in Charleston now, he apparently had a new girlfriend, he was by all accounts happy. They barely even talked anymore.  
  
She remembers the day Lucas was born so clearly, it was the single happiest day of her life, on that day there was the promise of so much, of Dan returning, of having the perfect family she had always dreamed of and never had.  
  
Her parents had split up when she was eight, her father was an alcoholic, he frequently hit her mother, terrified her, when he left it was a relief, it was just her and her mom then , her mom struggled, much more than she had ever had to with Lucas to make ends meet. Her father had finally drunk himself to death by the time she was fifteen, her mother fell apart, even after seven years, her mother felt responsible, like she owed him something.  
  
When she had gotten pregnant her mother had disowned her, she had moved into a one room apartment, gotten a job, she had wanted Lucas so much in spite of all the pain, most nights during her pregnancy she sobbed herself to sleep, she was desperately lonely. When she had first found out she was pregnant, abortion had not even entered her mind, not until Dan had said he would take care of everything, it had taken her about a day to figure out what everything meant. That he didn't want their baby, it was then she knew it was over between her and Dan.  
  
She lies down on the couch and curls herself into the fetal position as the first waves of morning nausea overcome her. She knows her has to tell Dan, he'll find out in a few months anyway, she is still angry at him for never showing up when Lucas was born, she remembers so clearly his promises, that he would finish semester, then he come back and they would get married, he had neglected to mention Deb, even long after Deb had gotten pregnant herself Dan lied to her. When she went into labor with Lucas she had tried calling Dan over and over, he never answered, she finally called Keith, she still remembers him walking into the hospital room, it was 5am and she was in the middle of a contraction, sobbing hysterically a combination of the physical pain and the slow realization that Dan was never going to show up. Keith took her hand in his and told her over and over that everything would be okay. He had stood by her, unwavering in the sixteen years since, until her left for Charleston, she had stumbled into bed with Dan again repeating the same mistakes of seventeen years ago, older but no wiser.  
  
She wanted nothing off Dan, expected less. Knew she had lost Keith, Lucas and this new baby are all she has. 


	4. Chapter 4

Karen pulls her car up in the parking lot of Scott Motors, she turns the motor off and checks her make-up in the visor mirror before getting out, her legs wobble slightly as she closes the car door and walks the short distance to the showroom doors, she opens the door, her hands sweating profusely.  
  
"Dan?" she croaks as she steps inside, her mouth dry.  
  
"Karen?" Dan replies in his usual impatient tone, walking out of his office.  
  
"Karen, are you okay?' Dan's tone softens as he notices how pale and drawn Karen looks.  
  
She shakes her head silently, this was not going well, last night she had rehearsed this conversation over and over again, now she can barely speak.  
  
"Can I have a glass of water please?" she asks quietly as Dan ushered her into his office and offered her a seat.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Dan says grabbing a glass from on top of the small bar fridge and filled it. Handing the glass to her he says "Karen what's going on, is Lucas okay?"  
  
"Lucas is fine." she starts hesitantly, taking a gulp of the cool water.  
  
"Then what is it Karen, I know you well enough to know that something is not right." Dan snaps getting impatient.  
  
"Dan, I'm pregnant." She whispers barely audible.  
  
Dan is silent, emotionless.  
  
"Dan..." she starts, her voice breaking.  
  
"Is it mine?" Dan asks coldly.  
  
She nods, "There has been no one else." She sobs as tears begin to flow down her cheeks.  
  
"Karen, I, I..." Dan couldn't find the words.  
  
"I'm sorry." she sobs as she gets up, slowly, shakily.  
  
"Karen, wait." Dan says quietly.  
  
"I can't, not now." Karen sobs as she grabs her purse and leaves his office.  
  
She fumbles for her car keys as she walks out of the showroom, finding them she quickly opens the driver's seat door, she climbs in and falls forward against the steering wheel, sobs wracking her body, a mixture of relief, the weight of finally having told him being lifted, confusion over his reaction, she had expected screaming and yelling, not whatever it was that had just happened and fear of what was still to come.  
  
Dan watched her cry from his office, he knew better than to try and comfort her, even though after all these years, it still hurt him to see her cry, the part of him deepest inside of him the still carried a flame for her, that knew leaving her was the biggest mistake he had ever made, the part that ignored logic lit up, a second chance. Mostly though he was just confused, how could they have been stupid enough to repeat the same mistakes they had made so long ago? He needs to get out of the office, to think clearly, he already knows he will support her this time, at least financially if not at all emotionally, he quickly walks past Karen who is still sobbing and to his own car, he jumps in and drives out of the lot as fast as he can.  
  
He can't explain to himself how he ended up at the riverside watching Lucas shoot baskets from as distance, he watches his eldest son intently trying to pick up on any mannerisms, any physical traits, anything that connects them, he can find none, part of him wants to know his new child so much, to not make the same mistakes he had made with Nathan and Lucas again, it is the same part of him that wants Karen back more than anything and all the other things he has resigned himself to having lost forever. 


End file.
